"When the blood of your veins returns to the sea and the dust of your bones returns to the ground, maybe then will you remember that this earth does not belong to you, you belong to this earth."
Went to bed sad, woke up sad.. Work didn’t help.. At least it’s over for the night.. And 3 more days this rotation. It’s been a week and a half and this is harder than I ever expected it to be. Especially when I talk to Erick and I can see how sad he is and feel it even through FaceTime. My heart aches. 54 1/2 days. I feel like it shouldn’t seem like that long. That’s about how long we waited after I booked my ticket the first time.. And we hadn’t even seen each other after 9 months of talking. It’s weird to think that in July it will be a year.. So much has happened this year.. And all of it feels like it went by so fast, and now the days are dragging on. A week and a half has felt like eternity. I’m trying to stay positive, and be patient.. But I am not a patient person.. And even when I drug myself out of my room and downstairs I spent most of the day with my headphones in not wanting to be social and I’ve been sleeping all the time.. And sleeping worse than I did before. In the grand scheme of things the next few months will be small in comparison to a lifetime, but right now this feels like an eternity. I keep hoping for time to speed up, but there are still so many things that must happen before everything can fall into place.. Like settling on a living situation.. Who’s going to move.. And I move or even if I don’t.. I plan to purge my things, it’s really just a matter of how much. I wanted to start this last weekend and I didn’t do anything but sleep and sit around stuck in my head. I want to start this morning, but I’m exhausted. I hate being depressed. Everything takes way more energy than it should. On a positive note I’ve already been better with my money.. So that’s at least helpful. I’m just trying to keep myself from going mad.